We should all be flying the flag upside down.

(a) The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.

We should all be flying the flag upside down.

As a nation, as a people, as individuals, we are all in dire distress. And who was so kind as to put us there? Why, none other then our great leaders, that’s who. So, even if we did make our distress known, who could come to our aid? Not our government. They couldn’t give a shit less about their people, the backs they’re walking on to get where they want to go. They trod on us, do everything they can to keep the poor poor, and then try to tell us that it is entirely our own faults. Okay, so the poor aren’t blameless for our lot, I know, I’m poor, but we sure as shit aren’t being helped by the stupidity taking place up in Washington, that’s for sure and certain. My daddy always told me that absolute power corrupts absolutely. How true that has become, and yet we allow the corruption to continue every day that we, as a people, sit by and do nothing. We spend more energy protesting where our iPhones are built then how badly our government it fucking us up the ass. Lovely thought, that.

The economy is in collapse, but read the news and it’ll tell you that it’s not even though you can look around and see it. The dollar is inflating, yet read the news. It’s really in danger of deflation. Do you believe it? I don’t. You shouldn’t either. Yet we continue to turn a blind eye so long as our internet rights are protected. We complain more about Google being tampered with then the fact that our freedoms are being robed from us one by one. I don’t know who said it, but how true it has become that so long as you give a nation its little luxuries then they won’t notice as their freedoms are slowly stripped away. Aren’t you tired of being lied to yet? Aren’t you tired of being placated with faults freedoms? I sure am.

No, I don’t believe in “destined for each other”!

No, I don’t believe in “destined for each other” and neither should you! 

For some reason this world has been indoctrinated into this concept of “destined to be together” and it has trapped far too many people into terrible relationships, me included, or doomed others into an endless search for “the one” the universe has planned for them. I spent four years of my life with someone who wasn’t right for me, and I wasn’t right for him, all because I believed that he was my destined true love. He wasn’t, I wasn’t his, but we tried to make a bad thing work because we both fully believed that the universe had designed to have us meet and be together…Forever. (dun dun dun!)

I blame Disney.

Okay, maybe I don’t entirely blame Disney, but I do blame modern media as much as anything else for this crazy idea that all of us have only one true love that we’re meant to find and that if we can’t make it work with them then there is no one else out there for us. It’s dumb. It really is. I myself spent way too much time trapped in a bad relationship, without attraction, without even real compatibility, all because I had gotten it into my fool head that he was my “one and only”. That there was NO ONE ELSE. I even tried, for three of those four years, to turn this limp noodle into my dream mate rather than realize that he and I were all wrong for each other. And he put up with way more from me then any sane person should have, too, to be fair.

Okay, I can practically hear you saying, yeah, this so doesn’t apply to me. Okay. Maybe it doesn’t. But what if it does? You have no idea how many of my friends have fallen into this same trap. Right now I know of one couple that is planning marriage and, I will tell you this right now, they are not a good match. Okay, so I shouldn’t judge. I have no idea what they’re like behind closed doors, right? Wrong. I say wrong because that couple was me not so many years ago. I see all of the signs. The same symptoms. He believes that they’re “meant to be”. That there is absolutely no one out there for him except her. No one else could possibly love him. (Never mind that he hasn’t really looked!) I see her trying to force him into this idea of what she thinks he should be down to trying to control his sex drive. Yet they stay together, over looking all of the things, big and small, that are making them both unhappy all for the love of this Disney-fied concept of being “clandestine”. Okay, whatever. I will stay out if it. But I do wish I could take them both and smack them around for a bit. It wouldn’t help, though. They have to wake up on their own.

I will tell you this, though. I am a much happier, well adjusted person now that I have given up on this “only one” concept that has inundated our society. Once I realized that it was okay to have more than one relationship in a lifetime, that I was okay on my own between relationships, that I don’t need another person to complete me, that I could look for someone who is more compatible with me and that they didn’t have to be my “one and only”…Well, lets just say that I finally felt happy. Er, anyway. As happy as anyone ever seems to be in this fucked up society.

So, I suppose my point is, I refuse to give in (ever again) to the very romantic, but highly misguided notion that there is only one true love out there for me or anyone else for that matter. Been there, done that, fucked my head up, and spent way too much money getting out of it. Oh, I believe in true love. I have, at long last, found it. Or as close to as I think anyone can get. But I also believe that a person can have more than one true love throughout their life. And I am no longer trapped by this idea that it has to be forever.

I know some people have lived a lifetime with only one person and been happy. I know others have lived a lifetime with only one person and been miserable, too. I say be happy. I have found that doing what makes you happy, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone, is a way better way to exist then being unhappy and that counts especially for relationships. It really does. There’s nothing worse then dreading going home because the person you think you have no choice but to love forever is there waiting to make your evening miserable. So do yourself a favor. Realize that “eternally destined for each other” is a bad idea and go find someone who really will make you happy. Even if that someone is you.

Modern society sucks

Where do you go, what do you do, when you just don’t feel like you belong in the world as it is? What do you do when you feel, and have felt your whole life, as if you were programmed for another type of existence? Do you know the answer, because I sure don’t. I feel as if I could survive better in a post apocalyptic waist-land then I do in today’s modern society. Zombies would make more sense to me then working myself to the bone at some place like McDonalds all for the chance to spend all of my time away from my family and still not have enough to live on? No thanks. I’ll pass.

I’m not built for this world. Not programmed for this shit. Why am I here, then? Some deep instinct, some unexplainable, driving need, leads me to prepare for some apocalypse that…will never fucking come. Why? It just seems like some cosmic joke and maybe a mistake. And I’m not the only person around programmed as I am. I know I’m not. So why are we here? Is it perhaps society and the unfair confusion of a corrupt system that drives me, and other like me, to long for the end of this type of society or is it something deeper? Shit, I don’t know. I’m rather sure that no one does. Maybe we’re all just insane. That answer would make sense to me. 

I hate this society. I really do. I’ve hated the setup for this life since my earliest memories and trying to force myself to play this sick, fucked up, twisted ass game makes me feel rather crazy, bent, and just a little warped. Forget for just a moment to factor in the part about me being trans on top of everything else, and look at how difficult just surviving has become even before transition. I can’t get a job unless I want to work for shit pay at some fast food joint that, even though, by the end of it all, I’d be working ALMOST a forty hour week, I wouldn’t be making anything close to a living wage. And that’s living in such a way and place that I need LESS than the poverty level income to make everything run smooth, come off of food stamps, and still have left over. So my choice is sacrifice my time with my family for shit pay that really -REALLY!!!- won’t help me any, won’t change much, or do without basic necessities like, oh, I don’t know, SOAP! and where does that leave me? Scrounging from one dollar to the next, that’s where.

Yeah. Small wonder that I long for the end of the world as we know it. If society collapsed at least then the skills that I possess would hold real, significant value. When you’re the only one close by who can fix and or make the little things in life you’re suddenly an in demand person when barter and trade is all you’ve got.

Fuck me. Fuck it all. What the hell are we all suppose to do? Keep feeding a broken system in the hopes that the rest of the world won’t realize that they, and everyone else, is selling their souls, lives, time, mental health, you name it, for pretend money that is worth less than toilet paper? I mean, think about it, if money can be printed at the drop of a fucking hat, then what’s so great about it? It’s not rare, or beautiful, or useful for anything outside of being, well, money. It’s not backed by anything. Not gold, or diamonds, or jewels or even fire wood. It’s just cotton rag paper. That’s it. That’s all. It’s not gold embellished, powdered with silver, or laced with pot, so what good is it really? As soon as everyone realizes that it’s just a worthless bit of paper, we’ll be better off. Hell, British pounds are worth more. At least their money is backed by gold. They can’t print it non stop just because they feel like it.

Yet we’re incurraged to go into debt so deep we’ll never see our way out for it. We’re taught to kill for it, hoard it, value it above the lives of our children and loved ones. We’re suppose to crave it, want it, love it, see it as the most precious thing in the world when, really, it’s Monopoly money. It’s fake, pretend, useless. Yeah, I want to give up my every free moment to chase after it. Fuck that shit. Really. 

When I worked for Pizza Slut I never got to see my family. Not ever. My garden died. My home got over run by weeds because of a part time job. PART TIME! The truth though was that it wasn’t really part time. If it really had been the 20 hour a week job I’d signed up for all would have been good. No. I was working WAY more than that, all for shit pay, not to mention travel time, and wasn’t even getting payed for all of the time I put into the place. What a joke that was. So now what?

Now I’m back to where this whole thing began. Stuck between fucked up the ass and screwed into the dirt. Where do I go, where do any of us go, from here? What should I do? Try to sell my art work into a world that thinks a fucking DOT in the middle of a giant white canvas is art!? Yeah, I can soooo see my stuff selling. But what choice do I have but to try and, inevitably, fail and be worse off then I began because I’ll just have more junk that no one wants except myself cluttering up my space. Great prospect, aren’t they? All for the want of worthless green cotton? HA! Lovely thought, that. 

For a fresh start.

For anyone who may have come upon this at a better point in my life, when I still hoped to post my idiotic stories here, I’m sorry, but that just no longer fits into my world. I’m keeping the blog, as I like what I have called it and see no reason to give up on it, but I will be doing what the rest of the world seems to do and that is posting about my life, be it interesting or not.

Okay, now for a fresh start.

My name is Fox. I have another, legal name, but I will probably never use it here. Those who know me know to call me Fox and so, in the hopes that those who wish to may know me here, I will go by no other name. I’m twenty-nine as of this July sixteenth and pregnant with my first, and likely only, child. I will be giving birth to him sometime between late August and early September…I hope. His name will be Rain Song and I am, at this moment, looking forward to meeting my child in person for the first time.

I am transgender which, for those of you who may not know what that means, it means I was born a female and will be making steps toward being a male, at least in appearance and presentation. I will probably go into this subject a great deal in the months to come so, if such topics bother you, please, fuck off.

I am currently in a relationship with another beautiful trany whom I adore. She is my sweetheart and the technical father of the a fore mentioned baby. I will be talking a great deal about her as well. My own transgender status is something  that I have just recently realized I can no longer ignore so there will probably be  a great many posts ranting and raving about the subject as I come to terms with things I should have come to terms with long ago. She, however, has come a long way in her transition already and knows where she wants to go with it. I admire her for that.

At the moment, and hopefully for the foreseeable future, I live on a small, just starting up, nineteen acre farm. This, too, I will be posting about a great deal (with pictures!). I live here with my mate and my father, all of our pets, and soon, a beautiful baby boy. The place is lovely with a creek out front, hills and rocks (lots of rocks. I should have started a rock farm :D), and lots of trees. I will be posting pictures of this wild and, someday, tamed place.

Well, that’s it for the filling in part. Now for the revamping the blog part… I never thought I’d give in to this. Oh well.